you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
