Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
