Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
