we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
