Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
