her vagine was all disorganized.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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