Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
