she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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