I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
