you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
