dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
