Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
