At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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