I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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