Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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