even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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