Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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