I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
