i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
