Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
