My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
