i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
