Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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