Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize