He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
