am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
