I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Drunk is not a location!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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