I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize