if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Found your dick twin last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
