they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
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Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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