I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
