Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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