Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
