3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
