You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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