mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
