my mouth tastes like poor choices
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
