I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
