dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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