my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
