If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
