The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Need sex. Gaining weight.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
