I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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