if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
