My liver just broke up with me...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
