You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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