also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
