Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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