She said her name was "party"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
