Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In other news, I just burned my penis
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
