Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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