wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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