It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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