Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just had sex on a roof
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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