I must be too annoying 4 u.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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