I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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