My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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