so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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