Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
