I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
