They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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