I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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