In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
