after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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