But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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