I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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