Sry I called you an 8
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
