What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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