I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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