We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
