Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
