I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
