I think I just saw someone hide a body.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
