It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
