Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
